The funny thing about years is that they are only days. 365 in fact, right? Those days filled with moments in which you make and let happen. The way I think is those moments, true moments, of happiness and falling into a plush of sparkles are the ones you let come to you with open arms. Though in 2015, I was most definitely not inviting those moments in for a cup of tea. It was more of like a boxing match, never letting down my guard and taking a punch at sometimes not the opponent. I mourned most of 2015, sitting in one place doing nothing. Why? That’s another story for another day my friend.
And so during my last days of 2015 I made the decision to not be still anymore. I decided this year I was going places! Places of finding pieces of myself again and to build them back up as someone new. And I am oh so freaking excited… I had no goals for 2015. I was so brought down I let myself just float adrift. And so it all had to start with the one thing that brought me down. I had to fix that wound myself. They say time heals, but it really doesn’t. It’s just a bandage. And so fixing that wound required of course ripping the bandage off. But after there is so much relief. If I had not done that, I would not be able to continue my journey.
Next stop, I had to know where I was going. I could not just want to go somewhere but not have a map or pit stops! Here are a few of my goals… Get more involved musically. Music is such a huge part of my life. It has been a way that I’ve been saved, comforted, or to release emotion. I want to pick up singing again, learn to play the piano or guitar, maybe even songwriting. Another big goal is to get into GREAT shape. There was a time where I cut out many unhealthy binge foods and started yoga and running, it felt so amazing and I was such a happier person! Recently I’ve had medical issues and had to put those on hold. But now that I am at the end of my recovery I can start back up again!
One other thing I have specifically been working on is holding back from emotions. This may sound quite harsh? But it wasn’t until I came across this quote that I understood: If you hold back on emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them- you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, the grief, the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what grief is. You know what love is. And only then can you say, ‘all right. I have experienced that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment. This completely changed the way I deal with my emotions. Instead of pushing them down, I pull them up, experience for however long, and then detach. It takes a few times, but in the end, you’re left with a much happier and wiser person than before.
I am so beyond excited for this year to start doing more of what I love, making friends, being myself more now than ever. I encourage you to do the same with me. Go on this journey together, stop at our pit stops for beef jerky and cherry Icees. Even though I had some tough times in 2015, I had some really great moments. I cut 14 inches of hair off, I went to the best Valentine’s Day concert ever, I had a reunion with my best friend, during that time I went to the Wizarding world and Universal (bff goals tbh), and I received straight A’s for the first time ever! So now I want to know what are some of your goals and most treasured moments of 2015? I hope you have a great start of the new year and I will soon write again!
My 2015 motivation songs :
- Let it Go – James Bay
- Revival – Selena Gomez
- Clean Speech – Taylor Swift
- Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld
- One for The Road – Dodie Clark (aka doddleoddle)
- Out of The Woods – Taylor Swift